'Never again, non even on a dare': A review of Bud Light'south Ugly Sweater difficult seltzers

Having a petty trouble getting into the holiday spirit? Is it just non Christmas until you've engaged in a few Yuletide activities requiring poor judgment and bad fashion? Back by popular demand, Bud Light is here to get y'all set for the season with its Ugly Sweater Pack of hard seltzers. It's updated with four festively nihilist flavors: Cerise Cordial, Sugar Plum, Seltzer Nog(!) and Cranberry. Peradventure some of you read my review of Bud Low-cal Seltzer's Fall Flannel Pack earlier this yr. Permit's merely say, I didn't intendance for information technology. I sure did enjoy antisocial it, though, and I was thrilled to hear about this new drove. Now that I've recovered from circular one, I'm ready to tackle the wintertime offering.

Similar the autumn assortment, this box is priced at $15-17 for a dozen 12-ounce cans. At that place are three flavors with stevia and one, Cranberry, that's naturally flavored and without zero-calorie sweeteners. Each has 100 calories and is v% alcohol by volume.

This time, I think the proper name and package blueprint are spot-on: retro kitsch, fun metallic colors, knitted-run up graphics. Surely this is a wink and a nod, right? Everyone loves ugly sweaters at parties, merely nobody wears them around the house unless they're in on the joke. At to the lowest degree, that'due south what I'm going to be repeating to myself as we gustatory modality these. Buckle up!

Cherry-red Cordial

We don’t think it should be called Cherry Cordial. Cherry Disrespect, maybe. Or Cherry Hostile. (Courtesy Heather Martin)
We don't recollect it should be chosen Cherry Cordial. Red Disrespect, maybe. Or Cerise Hostile. (Courtesy Heather Martin)

Because I never learn, I thought this ane was a cute seasonal proper noun for plainly cherry seltzer, which I often love. Instead, in a remarkable achievement in aroma technology, it smells precisely like being actually within a cerise cordial.

I hate cherry cordials.

They aren't every bit ubiquitous every bit they once were around the holidays, probably because they're disgusting. In case you haven't had the pleasure, this unfortunate sweet is a candy-coated cherry soaked in liqueur, wrapped in a thin layer of fondant and covered in chocolate. After a couple of days, the alcohol within turns the fondant layer into vanilla goo. Even chocolate tin can't fix that.

The season of this seltzer isn't as immersive as the odour, mercifully. It does striking all the notes — nearly. Instead of cherry, chocolate, vanilla and kirsch liqueur, it's more similar maraschino, carob, marshmallow and ethanol. You had a fun simply questionable friend in college who would love this flavor. I take to acknowledge it'southward perversely entertaining, like a sketchy carnival's funhouse mirror.

Suggested pairing: Any cookie, especially a gingersnap, volition smooth out the rough spots without succumbing to the carob.

Sugar Plum

Sugar Plum? Sure, plum. OK. (Courtesy Heather Martin)
Sugar Plum? Sure, plum. OK. (Courtesy Heather Martin)

Some beverages just scream optimism, y'all know? Orange juice. Limeade. Others are more subtle well-nigh it: Java puts an encouraging arm around you at piece of work; iced tea just wants to assistance y'all relax on a sunny summertime afternoon. It's the rare beverage that says naught, but somehow Saccharide Plum is in this category. Bare-faced, stoic and directionless, it sits like a stone on the side of the road. It has very niggling smell, and what is there is unidentifiable, most reminiscent of scented markers. The flavour, similarly inscrutable: Is that cherry? Berry? That'southward not what plums taste like, is it? Best to chug it and so that the nothing doesn't have a chance to give style to Bud Calorie-free'south signature alkaline finish. This is the Werner Herzog documentary of difficult seltzers, and you'll soon exist muttering to yourself, disoriented. Does flavor fifty-fifty exist? Who tin tell? We're all just hurtling through space in a macabre parody of life, bereft of significant. The just fleeting joy is in the realization of the void. On the plus side, every bit a tabula rasa liquified, it won't conflict with what you are eating, no matter what information technology is.

Suggested pairings: Duck à l'orange. Smoked oysters. Canned asparagus. It literally does not matter.

Seltzer Nog

Seltzer Nog: A painful eruption of flavor. (Courtesy Heather Martin)
Seltzer Nog: A painful eruption of flavor. (Courtesy Heather Martin)

Light nutmeg odor. Information technology'due south great at all.

It's also a trap.

I'yard pretty flexible on what I find nog-ceptable, but the first sip totally nailed me to the wall. This is Bud Calorie-free's most complex flavor to appointment, and it's articulate a lot of work went into it. In a split 2d, it careens through the hills of artificial vanilla, into the valley of soured nondairy creamer, across the vast wasteland of nutmeg murk. My (past this betoken) long-suffering husband said, "It keeps on blooming, like a volcanic eruption," and I understood only what he meant. One sip unfolds once more and again, roiling into infinity like an Escher origami, never resolving into a sailboat or peace crane. It creases and thrashes, billowing the fumes of humankind'due south hubris, oozing the pyroclastic flow of our fatal bulldoze to boldly go where no one has gone before. Like the myriad layers of this flavor, my hate is many splendored, faceted like a haunted precious stone, every aspect its own universe of dislike. I absolutely loathe each component of this flavor individually besides as their effect every bit a whole. Never once again, not even on a dare. Notes of warm spices, clotted cream, bane.

Suggested pairings: Icelandic fermented shark (aka hákarl). Circus peanuts. Touring the ruins of Pompeii in a Christmas-themed hazmat suit.

Cranberry

This one tastes like the name. What a concept! (Courtesy Heather Martin)
This one tastes like the name. What a concept! (Courtesy Heather Martin)

Plot twist: I quite like this ane. It smells keen — assuredly, naturally cranberry. In a truthful innovation for this line, it also tastes like cranberry, but doesn't vanquish you well-nigh the head with it, and there's no stevia weirdness. There'south the bitter flash at the finish that I oftentimes get from this brand, but since a little of that goes with the cranberry territory, information technology's OK. I volition sometimes choose this one at restaurants — on purpose.

Suggested pairings: Turkey and provolone on rye. Roasted pecans. Lemon bars.

In sum, this pack is overall an improvement on the Fall Flannel version. Although information technology includes the best flavor I've ever had out of a Bud Light box, it also contains one of the worst things I've ever had out of whatever box. Still, one of my resolutions for next year is to endeavor to speak more positively, and then hither goes:

This beautifully packaged hard seltzer assortment contains indescribable flavors that must be tasted to be believed! You lot'll discover options for pairing with literally any carte du jour. Whether information technology'south the role ugly sweater political party or your in-laws' fancy dinner, bringing a box to whatever 21+ gathering is certain to make you the main topic of conversation for years to come. Option up a box today for an unforgettably bold taste explosion!

If you'd prefer to habiliment your ugly sweater instead of drinking it, Bud Low-cal has y'all covered there, also, in its merch shop. I might need to purchase one of the Seltzer Nog candles myself — just to sentry it burn.